7:59am

this morning during my
extra sleep time,
the time between from when i
hit the snooze alarm and when it
goes off again i had a strange dream.
i dreamt that i was sitting around a table
with people that i can't identify but i felt
comfortable with. suddenly the sky
filled with planes that began to drop
bombs. there were explosions and fire
everywhere. i stood up as did the others
around the table when we realized that this
was the end of the world, or at least our
lives. all i wanted to do was find my cell
phone to call my parents and sister to say
good bye. then the alarm went off again..

Phred was irritable this morning. i think it has
to do with the bachelor party.
i know it will turn out fine and i'm very
much looking forward to that weekend for
my own selfish reasons.
his mom is nuts if she thinks i'm
coming down there just for her pesto.
it is really good pesto but i'm not
spending the weekend with
his parents while he's in Niagara
Falls..

plus i'm a little more focused
on my family and our issues
right now. i'm seriously
worried about my dad. i had
a really long talk with my
mum last night. she's scared and upset
and told my dad that she won't
go through this again.
i'm not sure why he has
be so secretive?
mum
says that's apart of the disease
of alcoholism.
he begged her not to
tell us what's going on
but its too late as usual.
the other day i was talking
to juls and she told me how
she got off at the wrong subway
stop saw our dad's truck outside his
bar. she went in and there he
was pounding a few beers back
at 3 in the afternoon. what scares
me the most is that he has to drive
home. mum is convinced his
drinking during the commute in the
truck! she's found cans and bottles in
the garage. phred said it sounds
like my dad is a "old school" kind of
guy. the kind that has a beer in his
cooler for lunch, the kind of functioning alcoholic..
whatever kind he is, he said once he get back from
his hunting trip he's ready to make
some sort of change. whatever the hell
that means.
fuck! i remember when he went away when i
was in high school. i was angry and resentful
towards him, like he did this to hurt me.
what dumb naive thinking.. now that juls
and i are older i think this is something the
family can deal with. i just hate the
secretes.

aRamat the tense