9:41 am

sitting in my cube
i almost forget what
a disaster my
weekend was.
work night out had it
moments, actually that's
where it all started.
comfortably on my
way to forgetting that
my job is ending and all the
little things that had accumulated
during the week were all
disappearing i was feeling all warm and
fuzzy and made a last ditch effort to
get my boy to come down and join me.
bad bad idea.
i guess he had been having some sort
of melt down at home that prompted
him to make some very damaging
statements.
he decided that his life
isn't on the course he wanted
and had decided to leave right then
and there for his parents place.
about 5 hours away to do some
thinking.
drunk, angry and terrified of
what may happen later
i was too scared to immediately
go home.
so i stayed.
drank, got drunk
made nice with the people
from my office that in 5 days
is unlikely that i will ever see again.
(except sexy office boy, that's another story)
after running around to various
bars that night, consuming shots and drink after drink i lost all concept of the
fact that i had no more money on me
but i some how managed to keep
getting drinks.
at the second bar i lost
sexy office boy
and was left with brian
who continued to be a little
pushy until i threatened to leave.
he had no idea what was going
on in my head, but it i didn't want
to be alone even if
it meant staying with
this guy who tried to
profess feelings for me
at every opportunity.

eventually i made it home,
phred was sleeping which just
infuriated me.
we stayed up most of the night
arguing. i've never in the many years
we've been together asked him
to make a commitment to me.
of the marriage kind or even
some sort of statement of
undying long term love!
i'm not sure there is such a thing
for me.
when i woke up he was
gone.

fuck its taken
me almost an 30 mins
to put that night into words,
it might not be the most
articulated explanation of what
happened but i still can't completely
understand what did happen.
phred is back, early this morning he
arrived.
this time he cried,
i have no more tears
i'm completely empty.


araMat
tired,
wired,
sad,
mad
and
confused.