3:04 pm

that bottle of wine
went down really well
last night i think i'll do that again
tonight.
what a sad reminder that i need
more/new friends
but do i?
i can entertain myself,
i enjoy my own company
i'm very independent
fiercely, i defend it.
i'm determined to have my
life, my independent self.
(someone once tried to
take that away from me,
never again!)
sexy office boy brought up something
interesting today, about unconditional attraction
with one's partner. he said even when he's
upset with his grrl he's still very much
attracted to her.
i understand that, i'm still very much attracted to
phred even though i'm kind of pissed at him
right now but i'm sure i won't be
expressing that attraction towards him
not tonight any way. his way of resolving
issues lately is to run away.
what about unconditional love? is there such a
thing? i'm not sure if i can trust anything that's
unconditional.
what a cynic i am, or just jaded maybe.....
i just finished saying above how
dam self sufficient i am
and how i really don't need
to have someone with
me all the time
but the truth is that i
am kind of lonely sometimes.
at times i feel like
i'm in this relationship alone.
when he needs picking up or an ego
boost i'm always there,
and happy to make my boy
feel better.
i definitely get the short end of
that stick, seeing how he accused me
of being needy yesterday when i wanted to
resolve our fight.
it was awful, he really was a
full blown two faced gemini
yesterday...

besides the relationship
feelings of loneliness
i don't have that one
friend i can call up
who's guaranteed to join me.
i have troubles making friends with
the ladies,i should say i have
trouble keeping long term girlfriends.
i've got plenty of boys
but i feel i'm not on the same page
with them right now.
phred has them now.

agh!
one hour left, then
i'm off to buy candy for
the chillin
and wine for me!

that's it for now.
i have more thoughts on
unconditional love/ attraction
but its getting me kind of angry.



happy halloween bitches!


araMat