9:20 am

i think i may suffer from depression. this is just my own
diagnosis i'm not sure.
lately i'm lacking motivation, i don't care as much about things
that i usually would have an interest in. i don't feel like
crying all the time or anything like that, its mostly the
lack of motivation that is startling me. i'm trying really hard
to snap out of it but its brought some questions to mind.
like when is it time to maybe consider bringing this up with my
doctor, is it even worth it? should i consider medication? i don't know!
its because i don't have a job, i was so busy before with the election and now
nothing. i'm not even beading as much anymore, usually when i have the time
that's all i do. it takes almost all my energy to get myself to the gym then after
that i find myself just not caring about anything until the last minute. like preparing dinner or cleaning up the house. i feel like there is a cloud over me until i have to be ON. until someone, usually phred needs something more from me so i then i emerge and
i'm me again. i think the solution is to be working again, but the whole process of finding work is getting to me as well... agh!
i'm fighting the urge to go back to bed and forget about all this for awhile but that won't help the situation. i don't really feel like discussing this with phred either, i'm worried that he won't understand and might think the worst of me, that nuts or something.
anyway enough of that!
i better try and get out of the house now.
araMAT *feels blue*