6:49 am

sitting here staring into this
glowing little box my eyes
are burning from lack of sleep.
i stayed up way too late reading my
new book, Henry Millers Rosy Crucifixion
the way he writes its almost lyrical,
but not in a conventionally flowing type
way, at times i find him disturbing.
sometimes i have to reread a paragraph
because i can't believe what i had just
read, the words just draw you in.

the laugh got me in the scrotum.
i got hold of her again and pushing
her in the corner i put my hand on her
cunt,
which was blazing, and slide my tongue
down her throat.
"why do you run away now?" she murmured.
"why don't you stay?"
the word cunt always gets me.
usually i cringe at it. i find
henry makes it less something
i cringe at and more of something
that makes me feel.
does that make any sense?

anyway instead of getting laid
last night phred took a nap.
when he woke up, he woke up
in a fighting mood.
he wonders why i get defensive,
its only natural to put your guard up
when someone is knocking you
down, or trying to.....
he can be such a bastard
when we fight. its far and few
between but it always shocks
me at how mean spirited he
can be. its an awful realization
to discover that the one you love
has the capability to be so cruel.

araMat