4:02 am

i'm drunk.
my cousin MaTt that has been in a domincain jail for the past four and half years is home, i saw him tonight.
he was there for tryin to bring drugs back into canada.
that dosen't matter right now.
we have all missed him so much.
now he is home and the one person that really wanted to see him is fucking dead!

fuck.
i can't stop crying right now.
i know John wouldn't want me to be sad but he was my BEST.
we were the closest in age, we were connected.
he was my luke skywalker, i was princess lea.
i want him back!
i feel selfish
its his wife and children that need him back.
i don't know i can stand up for him and speak on wednesay but i'll try my best.
his friends have fixed his car up, his pride and joy after his kids.
a camero,
will lead the procession.

i can't handle this.

aramat