8:18 am

its going to rain today my knee's are hurting...

i had a dream last night that i was being attacked by a man.
he was trying to steal my purse and i wouldn't let go of it.
in my struggle with him i realized i was outside of my parents
home and i could see my little sister in the window.
in the struggle i began to kick the side of the house and yell
for my father. i didn't remember this dream till i was on the
train this morning and the biggest suprise to me is that when i
needed help i called for my father. i began to wonder if i still
some how, somewhere inside of me still think of my father as my
protector? when i was a little girl i believed that my father could beat
anyone up, i used to think he was the tallest man in the world too!
i haven't relied on my father for anything in years, except to disapoint me.
now that i'm reflecting on that dream and my father i do realize that i miss
that closeness we used to have when i was child.
i feel like he's the helpless child now with his alcoholism...
anyway!
i'm not sure how the dream ended, i can't remember if my father
saved me or not...

it's pizza day at work today. i hope those fuckers don't eat
all the veggie slices before i get there..

araMaT *tired*