10:42 am

i've been avoiding my blog but not my life.
things are changing, and for the better.
everyday my heart aches for my cousin, i miss
him so much. but i've decided to take a page
from my cousins life and implement it, into mine.
no matter what was going on in his life or in his head
John always approached things with a smile and all of his
effort. i'm striving to be more like him every day.

many things have occurred lately that have made me
examine several aspects of my life. from relationships with
friends, family and my lover phred. its like i've peeled off a
layer of myself to expose a fresher more ME self. i don't really feel like
going into great detail about how i found jesus in my beads and if that
even means anything or about how my father sends me sexist emails when i he knows my major in Uni was women's studies. or his impending court date, or how meaghan and i haven't talked in two months.
none of that i want to examine to closely! not today anyway!
as i write this i can hear my sexy man in the shower. lately we've really
connected sexually and i feel awful for even thinking in my mind that we may have lost what we have. i really must have been at a low point to think ill of us. phred and i are solid. i think i don't want to admit that sometimes.
that makes one thing a definite in my future, my phred! definite things, even good things can be scary sometimes...
anyway,
i need to make my lover a lunch!
araMAT *feels freSH*