9 am

they say bad things come in three's.
since John's death his sister gave birth to a boy named Ian
which actually means John in gaelic. the baby has downs syndrome.
my aunt is in the hospital with complications from MS.
my mum say's the baby is incredibly beautiful and his parents are dealing
with the shock of his disabilty. Ian will be very loved by our family.
still my thoughts are with John, i cry everyday for him.
i think of his cold forhead i kissed good bye, the paleness of
his face as he lay in the casket and the bruises that were visible
on his head. our family is still waiting for the final report on his death.
details have become very important, anything to do with John we want
even if it is bad news its something.
i miss my beautiful cousin John, i try to feel his spirit around me and i end
up sobbing. i ask myself questions about where he is now, and i become
overwhelmed.
this is all so hard. tomorrow it will be month since his tragic death.
i really should have gone home for his birthday party.

aramat