10:51 am

tomorrow is my birthday. my family is coming up.
i'm excited to see them but things here have been tense.
phred and i are walking through the motions of a relationship,
i love him so much but i'm not sure if we can repair the damage.
i hope we can.
i don't really feel like celebrating.
my job sucks but at least i have one.
i think of John everyday, he had just turned 30 less than a month before he
died. maybe i'lll die too. John was my other half when it came to cousins, we were both preparing for 30, he was first then me... right now he'd be teasing me about hockey and being old. i miss him so much..
tomorrow i'll drink for John.
i try hard to see him everyday, i feel him, but sometimes not enough. i get to sad.
i think i'll call in sick.

araMAT