10:27 am

we fly on Friday!
i can't wait!
although yesterday it appeared phred may be flying solo.
we had a huge fight and i absolutely freaked out.
to the point where i was staring at him sitting in
front of the computer my anger boiling, i glanced at
my tripod behind him. i pictured myself smashing him with it,
then realizing how crazy that was i pictured myself destroying the
computer. a second later realizing that that wouldn't work either because
it was cost way to much to replace, so instead i found myself punching
the closet till my knuckle turned blue. phred called me crazy.
i'm not crazy. i behaved poorly but i felt that i had no other recourse
no other way to get that anger out. it didn't help anything at all
but in that spilt second after i finished hitting the closet and before
my hands started to hurt i felt great.
then i started crying uncontrollably
we talked and all is well.
this is the second knock down kind of fight we've had in the
past 3 months and i don't like it one bit. after the fact phred tells
me how much closer he feels to me, that its good we got it out of the way.
all i feel is further away and that i haven't got anything through.
anything that did get through i feel is so misunderstood, that i'm misunderstood
even with phred at times. i don't doubt our relationship
but in those moments i do. i expressed that to phred and he told
me that even in the worst of times he doesn't doubt us. i guess somewhere
in the back of my head i always thought he'd leave me one
day. i would never ask him to say he wouldn't, no one can guarantee
forEVER.
well
i out for now my friends.
a special hello to S.O.B
i'll be thinking of you when i touch myself.

aramaT

10:19 am

so much to do this week!
i have orders to complete and mail out as well as
packing and getting someone to come and water my plants!
monica was supposed to do it but you can't rely on that grrl!

its been a month now since i've had smoke
right this instant i would do almost anything for one!! i feel really
great that both phred and i aren't smoking anymore but i have to
admit i miss that cancerous bitch at times. her slinky moves the way she
sticks to you with that smell of hers.. agh!!!!

anyway! i'm anxious to see the mountains again, its been a couple of years since
i've been out west and i've never been to the interior before.
were stopping at my parents house briefly to pick up this awesome dress
that juls is lending me on Thursday, and we fly out Friday morning!
once we get to Calgary another brief stop to my auntie's house where my
grandma is right now, i've never been outside of ontario with her before i
don't think? then phred and i are off on our 8 hour adventure!

time to wake him up to play tennis!

araMat

5:30 am

can't sleep
woke up an hour ago and i can't fall back asleep!
i've become obsessed with getting my ring off my finger. it seems my hand is
slighly swollen for whatever reason and i can't remove this one ring. so now
its all i can think off...
agh!

araMat *can't sleep*

1:12 pm

still recovering from the craziest weekend of my life..
phred and i went to a friends cottage where we did E.
next thing i know were all massaging each other
then fucking each other.
definitely the hottest experience of my life to date
i didn't realize how much i enjoyed being with another woman
till this new "friend" of ours. she's so soft and has the best tits i've
ever seen or touched for that matter!
what a turn on it all was.
i can't wait to visit them again.
next week were off to B.C for a wedding
i'm really looking forward to that, phred and i haven't
really been on a trip together unless tree planting counts?
well I'm off for now, i've missed my blog!
aramaT
the sex queen!

11:54 am

i'm taking a break

from
to many things
including this.

araMat