9 am

they say bad things come in three's.
since John's death his sister gave birth to a boy named Ian
which actually means John in gaelic. the baby has downs syndrome.
my aunt is in the hospital with complications from MS.
my mum say's the baby is incredibly beautiful and his parents are dealing
with the shock of his disabilty. Ian will be very loved by our family.
still my thoughts are with John, i cry everyday for him.
i think of his cold forhead i kissed good bye, the paleness of
his face as he lay in the casket and the bruises that were visible
on his head. our family is still waiting for the final report on his death.
details have become very important, anything to do with John we want
even if it is bad news its something.
i miss my beautiful cousin John, i try to feel his spirit around me and i end
up sobbing. i ask myself questions about where he is now, and i become
overwhelmed.
this is all so hard. tomorrow it will be month since his tragic death.
i really should have gone home for his birthday party.

aramat

11:49 am

John's dead.
that's what i hear over and over in my head.
since the funeral things haven't got any better for anyone.
over 650 people attended his funeral with his awesome yellow camero leading the way.
when he was put into the herse his friends reved the car while we all stood there crying.
i did my reading at the funeral just fine. as i passed John in the casket on the way i could
feel him there. we all felt him.
fuck!
i'm still in shock and i'm not sure how any of us will be able to continue without John.
i miss my family.
want to go home to be with them.
i don't know what else to write, its taken me ages just to log in again to blogger.
writing about John dosen't help or make it easier.
the family is still waiting on the autopsy report and accident report. there maybe in inqueriy as well.
John's wife wants to know why it took over 8 hours to notify her. well all want to know what the fuck
happened.
i love you JOhn.

araMat