10:41 am

i really slept in today! with the rain the construction
people aren't as loud.
yesterday right in the middle of my shower the water
was turned off, and it was off till after 5pm with no notice!
i made some nasty phone calls but i doubt anyone really cares.
if we lived in a "nicer" neighborhood i really doubt it would be
taking them this long to finish whatever it is they are doing.
for the rest of the day i had shampoo in my hair and felt sticky
with soap, very uncomfortable.
so tomorrow if phred's birthday. I have to run out and get him a
gift today despite the fact that i really should be spending my money
on the bills that need to be paid. phred really spoiled me on my birthday
will new camera equipment, i hope a new tackle box will make him
happy?

aramaT

9:47 am

i can barely hear my fingers hitting the keyboard
over the incessant wood cutting going on outside
since 7 am this morning.
this neighborhood is just a mess with construction.

i couldn't bring myself to tell my mother last night
when we were speaking that i was laid off. she knows its
coming but doesn't really understand how it works.
her unshakable belief that her daughter can wow anyone
has lead her to think that my job would be made permanent.
no matter what i told her she refuses to believe that they would
let me go. i didn't feel like battling so i didn't mention it.
i'm sure i'll have to mention it friday when phred's parents get here.
i am not looking forward to spending time with his father, that sounds
awful but its true. i always feel like i'm defending myself.
phred has come to my rescue many times which just makes things
more uncomfortable. they have already asked us to make reservations
at that swankiest meat filled french restaurant in the area, looks like
i'll be eating salad all weekend. me not eating meat is just another
thing he can poke fun at.
ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! i want to go anywhere but here! the noise is just insane!
i can feel the apartment vibrating! how can phred sleep through this?

aramAt

11:37 am

second day of unemployment.
so far its been great for my artistic pursuits but
my bank account is slowly being depleted.
i'm not stressing out, i can deal with this situation i
always do.
being home with phred during the day has been
strange. he's been spending a lot of time on the
computer looking into our decision on "alternative
lifestyles" & looking at naked ladies.....

my photos are being posted on http://www.remnantculture.com/flash/index.asp
under the name djuna, they asked me to be a contributing
writer/photographer which is pretty cool.

thinking of you s.o.b.


araMat

9:00 am

the construction is still going strong on my street.
i watched the giant penetrator get into position this morning
before fucking the gaping concrete pussy in the middle of the road.
its still pounding away out there.
it feels so good not to be in that small suffocating cubicle
going over some strangers tax return
wondering what that smell was coming from it.
one lady had a return smeared in shit
i'm not kidding. he called himself a tax protester.

in exactly one week phreds parents will be here to celebrate
his birthday. i'm not looking forward to seeing them. i like his mom
but his dad is a pretentious stuck up old skool snob.
i've got to hurry up and grow my thick skin to deal with his
snide remarks about everything from my nose ring to my art.

first day of unemployment.
araMat

5:10 pm

tomorrow is my last day at work
i was laid off yesterday along with 15 other
people, some left the building in tears.
our contract was until the end of june so this was
unexpected.
i'm feeling remarkablely calm considering both
phred and i are out of work now.
i'm secretly envisioning myself
going on unemployment for the summer
spending all my time beading and taking
pictures. but i know back in the real world
that will never fly i already have an interview
set up for friday. i'm on the ball! i'm also a little
drunk right now so that might account for
my rambling blog entry today .
phred is golfing right now unless he and colin
got to high and starting playing their guitars.
i just wrapped my loom and i'm ready to bead
but suddenly i'm craving the company of others.
last night i wanted so badly for our friends to go
home i had a massive headache. but the sens won
so all is good. but now i feel like i could talk
for hours with someone, maybe its nervous energy?
i don't know
but i'm hungry and i can't sit in
this chair anymore.

arAmat

9:47 pm

its raining
its pouring
the old man
is snoring,
tamara has gone
mad
there's no more
weed to be
had and she doesn't
want to go to work in the
morning!

arAmat

12:09 pm

mmmmm...i just woke up from an incredibly
dream. sexy office boy and i were fucking.
in my dream he was wearing red t-shirt
and his kisses made me wet wet wet.
i haven't had a good sex dream in ages!

still thinking of you S.O.B


araMat

7:40 am

just call me a master deceiver,
a teller of half truths...
there was no way i was going into work
today after a weekend of rushed
travels home only to have my
emotions rebuffed by my father.
alcoholism is a nasty disease.
that's the only conclusion i can come to
for my father to treat me so poorly.
for the rest of the weekend i cautiously
tried to balance my emotions but had several
blow ups that phred endured calmly and with
understanding.
i can't sleep.
i've been up since the birds staring singing
now i can barely hear them over the construction
that has started outside.
i know phred will be disappointed with me
when he discovers that i'm home but even
his disappointment isn't enough motivation for me
to go to work.
strangley enough i am looking forward to my
french class tonight.

arAmat*the strange*

4:20 pm

well i made it work today and managed to get through
the day and i'm still pretty much mentally intact.
we'll see what happens when phred gets home,
i need to speak to him about our phone bill. there's a few
$25 calls to a very strange number... he's such a bad boy!

today is phred's last day of his contract. so now he'll be at home with too much
time on his hands and history has taught me that he doesn't do
well with nothing to do.
i don't want to stress about it but i'm also not
comfortable living in a semi state of denial.
i'm being vague because i guess i do like being in denial,
for now anyway.

araMat * is worried*

3:21 pm

i feel like i'm falling into a funk.
as i woke this morning my mind was
swimming with excuses to tell my team leader
why i wasn't coming into today.
i sulked the day away listening to the
construction workers
pound outside steadily all day.
i feel like such a loser for skipping out on work
now when i drag my ass in there tomorrow its
going to be twice as hard.
i'm not sure why i woke up feeling so overwhelmed
i had a great weekend with phred
i was in a fabulous mood
maybe i'm manic? i hope its just temporary....

araMat *is sad*

4:14 pm

so i've been getting these
emails from a woman
claiming to be fucking my
boyfriend. she has the name and other
info right about him but i just can't see
how it would be physically possible.
i'm not naive
and i wouldn't just be comfortable
being in denial if i thought any of it was
true i would confront phred. which i'm going to
tonight, i think he's just been communicating with
this woman and that's it. i know where he is
all the time, i'm the one with the car all day
so unless he goes out in the middle of the night
there's no way he's fucking another woman i
think its just electronic flirtation. which there's nothing
i can really do about i just don't some bitch sending me
emails.
anyway
i'm tired
its been an awful day.
hi S.O.B
araMat