12:28 am

can't think
i need my computer my room
being at my parents house
is throwing me off balance.
araMat

9:40 am
so very hot.

on my way to see S.O.B yesterday phred came
home ranting about a near fist fight he almost go into
with colin! they had gone to play tennis and some how
things escalated to the point where colin wanted to fight
phred! i can't believe it! phred just left, told colin what an
asshole he was being and walked home.
so the two of us went to play and again i kicked his ass!
its my wicked back hand...
right now phred is at a job interview. i hope he
gets it i want my space back! yes, that sounds selfish
but i guess that's just me.... we are spending a lot of time
together and at times petty bickering breaks out. i didn't
want to write about this in case i failed miserably but
i haven't had a cigarette in over 2 weeks! either has phred
we've basically replaced smoking with exercise which has done
wonders for my ass but hasn't been as kind to my moods...

anyway,
i'm
out.
araMat

12:40 pm
i used to think my independence was one of my
best qualities. now its just making me lonely.
i thought i didn't need the companionship of "best friends"
but i've come to realize i do.
phred has always been my "best friend" but really
i know that he can't be that in its truest sense anyway.
i've become jealous of those people who call their friends
everyday, those who have immediate company with a phone call.
my boys and i have become estranged in that sense unless i take up
fishing.
even my make out girl friend Joanne is busy these days with her
wedding plans...
my grrls are far away and the connections i fear are fading.
they don't get me and i don't get them.
well,
i'm off to sell my stuff at a craft fair this afternoon.
my apologies for my sucky rant.

araMat

8:18 am

just got home from the airport. my little sista's friend came into town
last night, she's on her way to school in England for the summer. lucky
bitch, good for her.
i spoke with juls for about 2 hours the other night. she's trying to convince me to move
back to toronto so we can go into business together. besides the fact that i don't want to,
phred definitely doesn't want to. i have to admit i miss my family and it would be
great to see more of them but i have no plans to relocate.
after we spoke
she called home crying to mum about how much she misses me,
that i don't sound happy hear (which i am!) and that she should do her best to
influence me back to toronto as well. i'm touched that they miss me but this is
where i live, where i have lived for almost 10 years now. it would be nice if they came to visit me,
i swear i can count on one hand the times they've been here.
anyway,
time to play tennis!


aramat
*had dreams about S.O.B woke up all wet*

10:00 am

just came home from playing tennis with phred.
i kicked his ass all over that court! so much fun...
i wonder if there's a senior tour for tennis?


arAmat

8:10 am

i have survived the camping trip to tell any readers of my
little blog that bon echo is one of the most spectacular places
ever. i've been there many times before but never had this kind of
experience. our site took about 20 mins to hike into right on the water
with the most amazing view of the cliff face. we spent hours at night before
it got dark just staring finding faces in the rocks. the first
night there in darkness a very brazen raccoon came within feet to
take our trail mix, phred threw rocks in his direction till he dropped it.
the second night it rained really hard, we woke up damp to find our
supply tent about to collapse under the weight of rain it had collected.
the third night there we listened to a symphony of loons.
despite a few heated words in moments of frustration it was
the best trip we've ever had.
on the way home we took a scenic route, got caught in construction
where we had to sit for 30 mins or so but did get to see an undergroud
explosion sent rocks and dirt flying into the air.
shortly after that a bird flew directly into the windshield of
the car then fell dead in the middle of the road.
it was very disturbing.
its nice to be home despite the loud
construction outside, i really needed a shower!

araMat

9:57 am

there are times when i am convinced that phred doesn't
know me or understand me at all. one of those times was
yesterday afternoon. we bickered over useless and meaningless
things. phred then concluded that i never listen to him and i make
him feel stupid everyday. that not being my intention to make him
or anyone feel stupid i apologized but he was unable or reluctant to
produce an example of how i did so. i hate fighting under any circumstances
but i refuse to be attacked for no apparent reason.
that attitude just sparked more harsh words between us until i
couldn't resist anymore. i relented and let him berate me until he felt
better. i think sitting there so calmly made him more upset but
that part of him that i doesn't know me or understand me kept emerging
and i can't fight that. its that lack of knowing that appears every now and then
that scares me, makes me think that in the long run we might not
be successful in this relationship. phred would accuse me here of being
dramatic and overreacting but deep down i truly believe he doesn't
get who i am.
we have decided to go away next week camping for a few days. to get away from
the constant construction on our street and most importantly phred wants to fish! we
picked a secluded site right on the lake that we have to hike into. i can't wait.
I've been busy beading filling orders as far away as mississauga. i guess 4 hrs away i
sn't very far but i'm happy that's the distance my emails have traveled with pictures of my work.
i guess i should go wake up phred now.

hello s.o.b
your hot!

arAmat

9:46 am

i have allergies and they are making me miserable.
i couldn't even find solace in beading i felt so awful
yesterday. i've been spending my afternoons beading like mad,
in mid july i'm going to an arts & crafts fair were i will be
selling my work. i just hope i have enough stuff by then.
for the second day in row now i've seen the construction
workings pissing on the street. such a nice thing to see
shortly after waking up.
S.O.B love the hair.


aramAt

9:59 am


the penetrator is doing its dirty work directly in front of my building today.
it has ripped up our front lawn and is chewing through the dirt as i write.
i have no idea how phred can sleep through this.

araMat

11:09 am

i survived the weekend with phred's parents!
only in small doses did i feel that mr.p was being
condescending and i let it all go with grace and dignity.
even when he launched into a spiel about my nose ring.
they were happy to see that i had taken it out when they
arrived. i listened very politely to every detail about their European
trip, i enviously looked at their photos from Sicily and Prague but
was most impressed by Germany which pleased phred's mother.
before they left they gave phred a package he had received from the
Italian government releasing him from the army. i didn't know it was
mandatory for all citizens to serve in the army, now he has to present himself to the Italian
consulate within a certain about of time for it to be official. he does get to vote still by proxy
which is interesting. even better,
if we were in Italy during elections he'd get free rail travel so would i if we
were married! ha!
i'm starting to get sick and tired of people asking why we haven't married yet like something must
be wrong with us. my mother lately has been the worst about this. i refuse to discuss the issue with
anyone, i'm not engaged and i don't plan on getting married anytime soon if ever.
anyway
i phred and i taking off this week to go camping.
i can't wait.

araMat