what a morning and its not even 9 am.
i think its great that people fall in love and get married
but i'm really tired of hearing about it. all the details about
cakes and dresses its absolutely insane! i know that i sound like
a bitch but i can't help it. i don't need to spend thousands of dollars
on a dress to show how committed i am. the whole basis of marriage
was for men to hold on to land and possessions easier! i know things are
different but the underlying traditional roles and symbolism are still very much intact and i want no part of it.
i'm being supportive and listening too my newly engaged friend go on and on about this institution she is about to enter but inside i feel very uneasy.
i'm still not convinced that most couples can make that commitment for life. for LIFE, that's what you say when you get married, and some people even say in front of their god! that's a whole other thing religion and marriage. i've officially broken my mother heart by telling her there is no way in hell i'm getting married in the catholic church, if by chance i do get married....
if i do, i want a huge chocolate cake and a calypso band.

OK, i could on about this or maybe i'll just insert one of my women's studies essay's on marriage...lol
better get to work..

aramat the cynic

i'm hoping to be abducted from the office for the rest of the afternoon but i just don't see it happening...
or maybe fire alarm or bomb threat, i feel like i'm about to explode all over my little cubical and make a huge mess...
pieces of me everywhere.i'm sure the doctors will be able to put me back together easily enough seeing how this
place is so cold i will have been perfectly preserved.

aramat

when i got home tonight i sneezed about 10 times in 3mins, which really aggravated my newly pierced nose which i think looks kind of sexy..
then i discovered the horror in the garden,
oh the horror...
the spider mites returned and gertrude one and two had to be put down....
they were covered in those tiny bastards. it felt good to get all dirty in the garden i wish i had more time to spend out there.

all in all a pretty good day at work, a little boring at times but yesterday i got my ID pic replaced when i took the new girl to get hers, it was an
absolutely hideous picture of me so that was cool. today she brought in those waist clips to hold your ID and gave me one which i'm thankful for because i really hated having that thing around my neck all day. but whenever i walked anywhere it would pull the waist of my skirt down, i guess i should wear belts from now on...

OK, that's it for now.
aRamat

Memory

i want to write of the
stirring i feel
deep inside when i remember our time.
the guttural noises
in my ear,
one hand clenched in my hair
the other piercing the skin on my backside
leaving small wounds to remind me
of your passion.
its a deep stirring that rises
sending a vibration outwards
so strong i fear its visible to
others, that they will notice
the change in my eyes,
the parted lips, quickened breath.
that i've given a glimpse of my experience
in this expiation of
a memory.


*something i was thinking about last night before the pig man dreams!


araMat

i had nightmares last night about the screaming man from next door. i dreamt that he was sitting at the end of my bed and when i looked at him he had the face of a pig with huge horns that i thought he was going to gorge me with. then he just let out that animal howl over and over again shaking his huge animal head at me.
when i woke up i was standing in the living room. i haven't walked in my sleep in at least a couple of years. i remember when my sista did, it was a scary she would talk out loud to herself and wonder around the house like she was on a mission of some sort..
got up late today but i rushed like mad forgetting many of the essentials again. apparently i'm getting forgetful in my old age........

Anyway i really should get to work and stop thinking about the pig man dream. hopefully he won't come around tonight.

aRamat

so happy, today's meeting has been cancelled!
otherwise i would have been stuck in a freezing cold board room all afternoon
last time my dept. met in there i was poking through my shirt for the entire thing..
i was starting to get pissed at this one guy for staring a bit too much. yes they are
great but i do have a face.
i've learnt my lesson and now keep a sweater in the office at all times.

speaking of boobs, i went to a wedding shower on the weekend there was this massive pregnant lady there who had the biggest boobs i've ever seen. i think she caught me staring.. oh well

back to work.....

araMat

getting ready to leave for this wedding shower, absolutley no way to get out of it now.
picked up a lamp last night at Ikea, that place is kind of scary.
anyway at least i'll have my own room at the hotel.

aramat

i feel like a fool, i've been lied too.

i had near death experience earlier tonight and i'm completely freaked out..

i just got a new bbq from my parents last weekend when i went to visit called the chef master but it really should be called the DEATH Master!
all week i've used it, last night i even had friends over ,so far so good. well tonight after i came home and had another nice cold 50 in the can i went and lit up the barby.
then i came inside to grab some stuff and a couple of minutes later i could smell something funny so i went out to see black billowing smoke coming out of the lid with lots of flames underneath. the weird thing is all week i've been having these visions of a propane explosion which i knew was completely unfounded but i'm a bit of freak sometimes. especially since your not supposed to have propane on a second floor balcony..
after a second of complete panic i went out into the hallway and got the fire extinguisher put out the flames and turned off the gas.
by that point the downstairs neighbor was outside looking up,and the drunk guy
in the back yard was yelling to call the fire dept. thank god no one did, it was all over really soon but i was really scared for a minute...
still kind of shaky but maybe i'm just being dramatic.

that's all for now gotta go calm myself with a little smk...


aramaT

less than an hour to go but my mind has already left.
i was kind of all over the place today but still managed to get some work done.
lots of lovely distractions and i did my best to encourage them today. i'm bad but i can't help it. why fight it?

i hope to get back online later i feel a purging coming on............

araMat

what a night. my boys came over for a bbq it was great to see them but i felt a bit disconnected . they've always been my "girls" seeing how i don't know many women and they can't keep girlfriends long enough for me to make friends with unfortunately it felt a bit strained. after a couple of 50's in the can (we were really classy last night) things were good until i realized that Big Brother was on for 2 hours! that show just isn't my thing i had to hold back from making really obnoxious comments ....
the entire night my head was throbbing, like a vice was being tightened around it i tried to self medicate with assorted drug's but i still work up with a head ache...
everyday this week when i get to work i'm privileged enough to hear my co workers daily update on her wedding next year. good for her but i'm really getting tired of all the pictures of dresses and talking about her gift registry, it all so sounds so foreign. maybe its because the idea of marriage, the INSTITUTION of marriage is intimating to me......

OK that's it, i've been here 31 mins now i better get to work.

aRAmat

sitting here freezing. turned away my coworker who had smks i'm pretty dam proud of myself. listening the same cd over and over i feel like i've had this day over and over so its all good...
my long lost friend that moved out east sent a message to slap my ass through another friend. i'm not sure what that's all about but i know my ass is getting slapped today ;(
Ok i think i need to escape my cube for a bit.

aRamat

not such a bad day after all, considering the not so stellar morning i had. the biggest obstacle besides the nicotine cravings was trying to keep my skirt from ripping further but i managed to sit like a lady and get my work done. i wish there was more time in this day, it got dark too quickly i found a small spider mite infestation in my impatience and had to do some work but everything else is wonderful out there in my little jungle. my grandMa plant is absolutely huge its one of my favorites that and my begonias.
finished the unexpurgated diary of anais nin for the second time tonight i'm sure i'll have dirty dreams when i go to sleep, such a naughty lady!


i'm still thinking about this online journal and exactly how i want to go about this. i've been keeping journals since i was 10 but this is completely different. i've always guarded them with my life, my journal is most likely within reaching distance at all times right next to my camera. so who knows what will end up here.

Aramat

what a shitty day so far, woke up on the couch, i guess i fell asleep during the godfather the last thing i remember is Michael's new bride getting blown up in a car explosion. sucks to be her. no coffee in the house and no smks since 8pm last night i'm feeling a little testy, it might not be to the best day to work with me, i'm hoping i can successfully hide back here in my dank little cube and everyone will leave me alone.
tried to iron my skirt this morning, all i did was release some old water all over it and ruin it, a domestic woman i am not. the next one i picked out i ripped walking here, someone may get a bit of show today i forgot my underwear.
DaM the co workers are already circling, i was given a tutorial yesterday on the most boring aspect of my already tedious job and i guess it now continues.
later.

quitting butts really sucks, i know its good for me but i think in the withdrawal of the evil weed i'm becoming a hyper woman of too many words, something might slip out and get lost. i feel like i'm constantly looking behind me to pick up the pieces of my lost sentences.

its now 12:06 pm and i'm dying for a smk, i am will power defined the temptress of nicotine will not seduce me not until at least 1pm.
thanks to my new friend here @ work that shared his journal today and inspired my own blog.