4:02 am

i'm drunk.
my cousin MaTt that has been in a domincain jail for the past four and half years is home, i saw him tonight.
he was there for tryin to bring drugs back into canada.
that dosen't matter right now.
we have all missed him so much.
now he is home and the one person that really wanted to see him is fucking dead!

fuck.
i can't stop crying right now.
i know John wouldn't want me to be sad but he was my BEST.
we were the closest in age, we were connected.
he was my luke skywalker, i was princess lea.
i want him back!
i feel selfish
its his wife and children that need him back.
i don't know i can stand up for him and speak on wednesay but i'll try my best.
his friends have fixed his car up, his pride and joy after his kids.
a camero,
will lead the procession.

i can't handle this.

aramat

12:22 pm


at around 10:30am on friday the 13th my cousin John was killed in a
snow mobile accident. John just turned 30 a few weeks ago.
he has two beautiful kids, a boy and a girl. a great wife and a great
life. i haven't slept or really eaten since. phred and i came as soon as we
heard.
my family is devasated. John was the only boy in family of 5 girls!
we were really close.
i can't stop crying now.
fuck!
i've got to pull it together, my aunt asked me to do a reading at the funeral.

arMAT * loves John *

11:09 am

i've had a bad week.
at least i have the sex party to look forward too tomorrow!
*SIGH*
two cocks and a pussy, i'm sooo lucky...

aramAt

8:17 am

my work load is diminishing very fast. i'm guessing today may just be a half day.
i don't see how i can stretch it out for much longer. its good thing i may have something already linned up...
paul sent me an email the other day asking me to meet him at the chateau laurier, he had the prime ministers suite. he was there for a conference and had the room for the night. i ignored his email and responded a day later saying i was out of town. i don't need that complication in my life right now.... i'm actually a little mad at him for thinking he could almost summon me there, i havent' seen him in a long time but we do keep in touch. that's the trouble, he wants to touch me and i don't want him too!
i didnt' let phred touch me last night either.. i just wasn't in the mood....
but this morning at around 5 am when phred crawled into bed after falling asleep on the couch, i reached over and he had a massive hard on...
i tried but he rolled over... *SIGH*
well i might as well do my last bit of work and get the hell out of here!


aramAt

8:35 am

thank the gods its friday!

busy day. at 10 am i've been summoned to to ccra for a security clearance, (which i already posses) so i will be eligible for my old job in the international tax office. i don't want that job, i'd rather gouge my own eyes out that hold that position again. so i'm considering not going... i know by doing so i may be limiting my options but the thought of working there again gives me a migraine... plus i'm feeling really good about getting the contract with elections canada...
phred will be pissed, i just wont' tell him...

i feel like hiding out in my office today and just watching the snow blow past my window... i've got plenty of work to keep me in here, wow, i sound really anti social. i don't take lunches so i miss out on the daily lady fest in the break room.. i don't really care i hope to be out of here by march...

i better get to work...
araMAT

10:36 am

i asked phred to do one simple thing for me and he fucked it up. this entry might be a mild rant but who fucking cares?! last night after being throughly fucked i asked phred to please set the alarm clock. he set the time but failed to turn it on. i woke up at 8 am in a complete state of panic. usually i wouldn't care that much if i'm late for work but this job is just temporary and they are incredilby cheap, they monitor my hours like if i go over 8hrs a day they might go broke! fucking non profits! i rushed here to be told that i still must leave by 4pm... fucking bitches...
my rAnt really should have started with when i arrived home yesterday to find the house a complete disaster. this week phred's shifts are from noon to 8pm. you'd think he might consider doing some fucking dishes before leaving the house.
maybe picking up after himself, anything to make things easier on me. ususally in the mornings i clean up after the mess he made the night before and when i get home i finish what i didn't get done in the morning. well i'm fucking sick of it! i'm working full time so why am i still taking care of aLL the house hold duties?!!! i feel like a fucking maid!
besides all of this shit i spoke to my sister last night who just found out about my dads latest DUI and is obviously very upset. we debated what we should do but still are at a loss for trying to explain our fathers stupidity..
well i better get back to work before these fucking bitches start bitching about something...

arAmat *is angry*

9:52 am

suddenly starving. i can smell someones bagel but my protruding little belly is preventing me from eating this morning..
not working that much so far today. i have a bad attitude.
i wanna go home.
i wanna talk to my dad but i have no idea what to say.
i wanna have sex, all consuming sex the kind where my mind can't even wander even for one second any where else.
i wanna REAL job.

*sigh*
no more online quizes today.

araMat

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

8:04 am

i have no idea what to write this morning.
i guess i'll write later then........

aramaT

3:31 pm

i feel as if my heart is going to jump
out of my throat, like i'm on the verge of having a panic attack....


*DEEP BREATHE*


this is the first time since i started the great anti depressant experiment that i have felt like this...

stressed about dad.
my mind is racing.

almost time to go home..

aramaT

9:26 am

well it finally happened.
my dad got pulled over and was arrested last friday night for driving without a license and blowing over the legal limit.
my poor mother found out by a police officer knocking on her door to let her know that my dad was in jail. her first question was if he had hurt anyone.
thank whatever gods may exist that my dad didn't hurt anyone or himself. aparently another driver saw him weaving on the road and called police. thank you to that person. my mother should have let him rot in jail that night. instead she picked him up, brought him home and that was that. in the days following according to my mom he hasn't said much. the real shit deal of it besides the expense that my dad has caused is that he was taking this class offered by the province for those who have been arrested before for drunk driving. aparently he was almost finished the class and could have been legally driving again soon! now my dad will have to quit his job, he can't commute anymore to the city and his truck in key to his business.
my mother is still leaving out details i'm sure, it took her days to even tell me! soon he'll be going to court and could face jail time. i have no idea who this man is anymore. i can't believe its my dad who is behaving like this. he's sick.
he's an alcoholic no question about it.
i feel sick just thinking about it.

come to think of it, i feel like having a drink right about now!!
araMAT

3:41 pm

day is almost done...
mmmm s.o.b has been teasing me quite nicely today. i'd like to tease him till he's ready to give it to me.....
feeling very sexual, i'm hoping phred is too but some how i see my myself alone tonight with my hand in my pants.....

its been a better monday that i was expecting.

araMAT
ps
s.o.b
i hope your feeling better

10:51 am

sexy office boy sent me a message about our elevator rides, now i'm feeling hot and bothered. still after all this time s.o.b makes me wet. *sigh* just remembering the way he'd look at me, a deep and intense stare not saying anything fighting the urge to rip his clothes off! ahg!
i'd like to fuck him again.

araMAT * feelin slutty*

8:08 am

i've been given my assignment for the day now i can hide myself away in my office which i am truely thankful for and get this monday over with. i work in an office entirely made up of women except for two lonely men that are rarely seen around here. the afflication i call engagement has gone rampant here. so all the talk centre's around my office mates impending nuptials. i've taken to sequestering myself in my office and working through all lunches last week except for one where i went outside found someone smoking and bummed a butt off them... it was really good.
speaking of smking butts, when my sista was here with her new man sully i smkd a couple of her butts, i like being sneaky....
fuck! the printer outside my office is printing of a fucking novel it hasn't stopped since 8 am!

anyway... phred and i saw the coolest thing on the drive here this morning. what looked like a rainbow was coming out of the ground straight up into the sky. it was more just red and bright light rather than all the colours of the rainbow but in two different spots it was visible.

well i better get some work done...
araMAT

7:59 am

i've been at work for 25 mins already. phred dropped me off way to early. today is his day off, i hope he enjoys it he really deserves it..
i'm tired from a wasted evening watching football and reality tv. i don't like survivor, i made a stand against reality tv when the show came out so now i'm completley soured on it. i can't bear to watch... last night i did with neville and phred and i had the hardest time keeping my eyes open. i was fading fast for some reason.
(*dam! i think my boss is here now*)
i should get a prize for being the best dam temp ever! last friday they took advantage of me and had me stuff envelopes! for most of the day my university education went to stuffing envelops...
agh!!! gotta run!
sherri is here......

araMAT