5:39pm

friday night.
all dressed up and no place to go!
feeling caged in here.
like my apartment is getting smaller
and smaller.

all is quiet at at
Aramat's house
but i think
she's about the
shout!
out loud to the empty
room all that she is
till its brimming
till its walls are
aching with the weight
of just her.


* a little poetic outburst there ! *

aRamat

1:23 pm

another sleepless night.
i was up till 5 am.
excellent for my busy creative
hands
but terrible
for my
over thinking mind
exhausted.

aRamat

1:27 pm

i've been having the strangest dreams
lately.
all of them violent and full
of anger and rage.
last night i dreamt i had a
huge fight with my sister of all
people, and the hatred i felt
towards her in my dream was alarming!
nothing could be further from the truth
i love that bitch.
the other night i had a dream
about fighting with a friend.
i was filled with rage and
badly wanted to physically
hurt her.
i hate fights.
i'm a lover not a fighter.
i wonder what it all means?

aramat

8:30 pm

i'm finished my bracelet!
i started on sunday, today is wednesay.
at least 10 hrs on it in total.
its amazing if i do say so myself.

phred got his old job
back and starts on
monday. i'm thrilled for him
sucky hours though.....
i still can't find any job
that i can tolerate right now.
i outright refuse to work in
certain environments.
i ran into an old boss
the other day, he said i
could come back anytime.
i don't really want to me
fish monger again.
that was great when i was
in university, the perks were awesome
but i don't feel like being covered in
fish guts again just so i can
get my salmon at a cheap price.

i miss going out for drinks
on wednesday, brian called
me, he sent me emails all
day asking me if i wanted to
meet some where.
i don't think that would be
best, so instead
i'm trying in vain it seems
like to get someone
to come out or hang out.
.
i was hoping to convince my
special grrl to come over
but she's not feelin to good
today.


later,

aRamat

10:55 am

second day of unemployment and
all is relatively well.
not looking forward to this afternoon though......
i have an appointment to be prodded by the
words largest q-tip...
the things women have to endure.

being unemployed is fantastic for my
creative self, but unfortunately that
hasn't translated into more $ as yet.
i still need a plan on how to sell my stuff,
i need more money to make my art! its
a never ending cycle.... i'm getting
dizzy but i think i'll manage just fine.

phred is sleeping. he started his
training last night, from 4 to midnight!
so now he's not leaving me at nights
to go with friends but he's leaving to
work... i hate when our schedules are
so different.

i need more coffe now.
*sigh*
residual thoughts of sexy office boy
aramat

3:18 pm
irst day of unemployment and i can think
of was my last day.
went out for drinks
with co workers for drinks.
sexy office boy and i
drove each other
crazy for awhile.
i went home with his
smell all over me.
*sigh* that boy!

aramat *the wicked*

10:15 am

i wish i had
a time machine
so i could go back in
time and start this
day over.

aramat

3:42 pm

mmmmmmm
nothing like
a little
sexy office
boy
in the elevator
to make me feel
better!
i just want him
more and more.
its still a little
alarming how exciting
i find him.
*SIGH*

araMat * the lusty *

2:25 pm

i thought i would spare
any readers of my blog
from absolutely bitter mood
today but if i keep it all to myself
anymore i WILL explode!
i'm not sure what has prompted this
horrendous mood
but here goes a few guesses.

1.bf didn't even notice i cut
almost 4 inches off my hair.
2. second last day of shitty job.
3. i don't have a new job shitty or not lined up.
4. cube mate jumps on my computer every time i get up and leaves the caps lock on.
5. i wanna get drunk tonight and no one wants to join me.

OK
that didn't make me feel any better.







aramaT

11:41 am

the pixies are taking
the edge off of my
terrible mood,
as well as
sexy
office
boy!
*sigh*
in my little cube early this
morning he
got hard.
mmmmmmmm
i didn't touch
anything.


yet.



loud music
in my ears
makes me
invisible.


arAmat *almost gone*

8:26 am

normally getting a hair cut makes me feel
like a million bucks. this time the feeling was
fleeting. it only
stayed with me for the
walk home.
last night i ate bagels and popcorn
for dinner smked a huge
cracker and sank into the couch.
maybe all my energy was in my long hair?
this morning i thought that great
new hair cut feeling would reemerge when phred
saw me but he didn't even notice!

oh well.
second last day in my cube.


araMat *

8:54 am

last night i had
a dream that began
like the elevator
ride sexy office boy
and i had yesterday.
he walks towards me slamming
me against the
wall and we kiss.
for a few short floors
going up but felt like i was
falling down.
in my dream though the
elevator gets stuck
so from that kiss things
continue
the mirrored elevator making a fabulous
back drop for fabulous
dream sex!

*i'll finish this later.
co workers are taking me out to breakfast.*

AraMat *loves elevators!*

2:28 pm

so many lies and
half truths are
flying at me that
i'm about to scream
right here in my
suffocating cube
i'm going to unleash
a brutal guttural
scream to make
everyone shiver in
fear!
don't lie to me!
i'd much rather painful and
awful truths please.

aramaT

What's Your Bedroom Personality? (For Her)
brought to you by Quizilla

Mistress may I? Heh. Who wears the pants? You wears the pants! Just remember that it's fun to switch sometimes and not everyone enjoys being bossed around in or out of the sack.

obviously not working very hard!

8:57 am

very disappointed that the leonid
meteor shower was a bust, here
anyway. way too cloudy.
reports i'm reading this morning from
around world sound spectacular!
people that saw hundreds and i
saw maybe 4, well one i think
was an airplane i'm not sure.
i was outside at 5 am, bundled up
in my pajama's staring up at the
sky with my friends dog Laz
who was having a blast just playing
in the snow. i went back to bed for about 40 mins or so,
mainly tossed and turned but i did manage to have
some sort of dream about the leonids.
thank god i have a hyper imagination..

another interesting celestial event that will be taking place
tonight is a Penumbral lunar eclipse. the moon will dip into the
earth's shadow to create the eclipse. my source on this is space.com
they say the moon's orbit is tilted 5 degrees compared to the earths plane of
movement around the sun. when the moon crosses into the umbra,
partial or total lunar eclipse occur. what you will see at moon rise or
moon set is the top edge will be darker than the bottom.
i'm not sure why but i find this just amazing.


mOn came over after class with
beer that we quickly made use of,
yummy wheat beer....

sexy office boy
*sigh*

aRamAt * 4 more days left*

What Weird Quote Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2:06 pm

so co workers
are taking me out for
breakfast on wednesday.
my good bye breakfast.
every time we go to this
cute cafe around the corner
for a good bye event the
owner gets confused and thinks
its someone's birthday.
soon he comes out with a
silly hat on, ringing a bell
singing happy birthday in french.
very cute.
now its my turn.
oh sexy office boy
our time
is coming to an end.
no more elevator rides
quick kisses and fast
hands.
our one ride today
left me spinning.
*SIGH*

arAmat

9:41 am

sitting in my cube
i almost forget what
a disaster my
weekend was.
work night out had it
moments, actually that's
where it all started.
comfortably on my
way to forgetting that
my job is ending and all the
little things that had accumulated
during the week were all
disappearing i was feeling all warm and
fuzzy and made a last ditch effort to
get my boy to come down and join me.
bad bad idea.
i guess he had been having some sort
of melt down at home that prompted
him to make some very damaging
statements.
he decided that his life
isn't on the course he wanted
and had decided to leave right then
and there for his parents place.
about 5 hours away to do some
thinking.
drunk, angry and terrified of
what may happen later
i was too scared to immediately
go home.
so i stayed.
drank, got drunk
made nice with the people
from my office that in 5 days
is unlikely that i will ever see again.
(except sexy office boy, that's another story)
after running around to various
bars that night, consuming shots and drink after drink i lost all concept of the
fact that i had no more money on me
but i some how managed to keep
getting drinks.
at the second bar i lost
sexy office boy
and was left with brian
who continued to be a little
pushy until i threatened to leave.
he had no idea what was going
on in my head, but it i didn't want
to be alone even if
it meant staying with
this guy who tried to
profess feelings for me
at every opportunity.

eventually i made it home,
phred was sleeping which just
infuriated me.
we stayed up most of the night
arguing. i've never in the many years
we've been together asked him
to make a commitment to me.
of the marriage kind or even
some sort of statement of
undying long term love!
i'm not sure there is such a thing
for me.
when i woke up he was
gone.

fuck its taken
me almost an 30 mins
to put that night into words,
it might not be the most
articulated explanation of what
happened but i still can't completely
understand what did happen.
phred is back, early this morning he
arrived.
this time he cried,
i have no more tears
i'm completely empty.


araMat
tired,
wired,
sad,
mad
and
confused.

3:50 pm
i'm very much
looking forward to
having a drink,
or two or three
later on at this
work party.
brian will be there,
i haven't seen him
since he stuck his
tongue in my mouth.
ewwwww.......
it should be all
good.



sexy office boy
and i kissed
in the elevator today.
*sigh*
i don't have the
words right now
to explain it,
i'm not sure there
are any words to
explain it.

arAmat out!

11:17 am

i was standing waiting for
the elevator and the
blond lady that wears too
much make up looks
at me say's,
" shhhhh, don't tell anyone,
be very very quite"
confused as too what she's
talking about i ask "why are
we being quite?"
her response was just
"shhhhhhhhhh"
OK then.
all the way down in the
elevator she kept her
finger over her lips
like she was reminding me.
when the doors opened in
the lobby she turns and says to me
again, "remember now, don't tell
anyone! Shhhhhhhh!"
after i had my smk i'm walking back
i see her again, this time she
says "really i'm not crazy."
"don't worry i won't tell
anyone, shhhhhhhhh"
i responded.


arAmat

9:26 am

feeling much better now.
i've had my coffee all is well.
last night i felt like a super star!
i walked into that office reception
which turned out to be more of a party
than anything else with such confidence.
i smiled at the ladies i remembered,
grabbed myself a glass of wine and
there, across the room was paul.
oh paul! why did you cut off all your
hair?! he said its an experiment to see
if he'll be treated any differently.
paul is a huge environmentalist, he
kind of looks like a hippy in suit he
borrowed from someone years ago.
even without his beautiful long hair
he still amazes me. his passion for his
work makes me jealous. he questioned
me several times about how i can do
the work i'm doing. referring to the fact
that its mindless shit that anyone could do.
i didn't need the reminder that
i'm not on career path i thought i would be on.
he kept introducing me as a feminist who is kind to the earth.
(absolutely nothing wrong with that!) telling people that
i wrote my thesis on compulsory heterosexuality,
usually when people hear that they look at me like
"what the fuck did you just say?" but these sustainable
communities people were actually interested.
i didn't realize how starved i was for
engaging, evolving and stimulating
conversation until last night.
there's only snippets of that in my
life right now. there's only snippets
of people in my life right now!
phred and i haven't
had a real face to face conversation
all week, we've primarily been
communicating through emails
which hasn't been very successful.
he came home at 3:45 am
i remember that because he made
so much noise that he woke me
up. later when he slipped into
bed i didn't let on that i was
awake. suddenly i felt really sad, like i was
going to cry .we did talk
briefly yesterday on the phone,
just as i was about to accuse him
of taking advantage of me he started
to say how i was the best girlfriend ever.
that its amazing how i don't get mad at him for going
out so often. how cool i am for understanding. agh!
but when we spoke he said that we'll meet up at
home by 10 pm the latest.
apparently a game of RISK was more
important.
very RISKy phred.

araMat

8:29 am

with the back ground conversations
around me its a wonder i'm still
sane.
nice grrls really but shut the fuck up!
i don't want hear about your china pattern or
look at cute pictures of
your fat cat. just leave me alone!
slightly drunk still i think that's
cause for my outburst of hostility
there.. or maybe the reason is that
i'm sober and the content of this
inane conversations is about to
make me scream!
ok, no more bitter outbursts.

actually that fat cat was kind
of cute, maybe i need another
cat? mr.sweet babalu
was the best cat ever till he meet
his demise.....
that unconditional
love is what want.

aRamat *likes scotch on the rocks*

2:04 pm

sneaking out
for a unscheduled smk
break.
i just found out
that i've spent my
entire day working
on the wrong thing.
phred wants me
come home after work
because he "misses me"
bullshit.
i'm going to network
with some
bitches downtown.
if he missed me so
much maybe
he could have stayed
home monday night,
or tuesday night, or
maybe even wendesday night!

*disgruntled arAmat
makes a quick exit*

1 pm

just got back
from lunch
with sexy office boy
who filled my head
with wonderful
scenarios.
in the elevator
i thought i would
spontaneously
explode when his
hand grazed between
my legs....
*sigh*

only 6 days left here!

aRamat

10:07 am

word of the day courtesy of Wordsmith.com is
placebo ( pluh- SEE-bo) noun
1)A substance having no medication (sugar pills, for example), prescribed
merely to satisfy a patient or given in a clinical trial to compare and test the e
ffectiveness of a drug.
2) Something (such as a remark or action) that is used to soothe someone
but one that has no remedial value for what is causing the problem.

From the Latin placebo (I shall please)

the placebo effect is definitely interesting but as i've discovered on this journey
(that i'm still on) for my own personal truths
i see little point in placating someone.
sure there maybe a time when someone may need to be soothed, lulled into a
complacent acceptance of reality but i find i have little patience for this anymore.
why shield people from the truth?
lately no one has sugar coated any of life's gritty details for me.
getting off topic.

its so cold in the cube today my nipples hurt.

aramat *the cold*

3:36 pm

cube mate is periodically
emitting a very foul odor.
must breath only through my
mouth!

sexy office boy
and i managed to get in an
empty elevator, at least
for a few floors.
just enough time to
know his touch
and have it taken
away by the
appearance of an old
disgruntled government
employee who
probably hasn't felt
this kind of excitement
in years.
*sigh*

araMat

ARIES (March 21-April 19): In order to be true to yourself and get what you want in the coming week, you'll have to be more generous and imaginative than usual. Here are a few activities that could help. 1) Send a letter expressing your admiration to a person whose good works fascinate you. 2) Dream up 20 new names for God, using ice cream flavors and DJ names for inspiration. 3) Buy seven used gowns worn by famous actresses to the Academy Awards show, and send them gratis to seven Guatemalan grandmothers. 4) Find someone who is impossible to love and love them defiantly. 5) Try on the perspective of the poet John Keats, who said: "I am certain of nothing, but the holiness of the Heart's affections and the truth of Imagination."


rOb Brezny
free will astrology

9 am

and then he took his
fingers and gently
caressed
the outline of her breasts,
just the soft peaks of her cleavage
that she exposed to him.
he stood before her looking
down with that electric gaze
that captured her in the moment.
leaning forward the warmth of his
arm briefly met her cheek
and she instantly felt herself
falling.
falling inwards into her
own lusts and desires
that leap out towards
him with every heated
short exchange of quick
touches and tongues
they share.

araMat

my new friend from texas
www.copknock.com

2 pm

completely swept away
just now by sexy office boy
and his eyes.
*SIGH*
with the looks alone that
we've exchanged,
we've fucked like mad already.

*sigh*

aramaT

1:07 pm
agh! i hate my friends! (not really)
andy that bastard ended up
having an impromptu party saturday
night and didn't call me/us.
he called everyone else...
phred could care less seeing
how he's there almost every night
anyway. they have no problem
calling him to do things, just me
it seems.
its the man/woman friendship
scenario i think. it was easier
for them when we were younger
but now their just distancing themselves
socially from me. i only see them when
i'm with phred. i called all of them
to come out with me last wednesday,
i'm not sure why i continue to try.

i know my boys love me,
but their just not there for me
anymore.
i need new friends. just for me friends.
i need a smk.

aramaT * is angry*

9:16 am

i'm not sure why
but today my
thoughts and feelings
are caught.
like their stuck
in my throat refusing
to be verbalized.
everything is now gathering
and piling up on the tip
of my tongue threatening
to be heard but can't.
i can't today.
holding everything in
against my own will is
causing a small headache..
even though i feel i'm on the
cusp of shouting out loud
i find i can't communicate
anything effectively so far
today.

my beautiful
sista, my sweet soul sista
turns 23 tomorrow.

aRaMat * has lost her voice*

8:15 am

i'm back, did anyone miss me at all?
i slipped into a hole and couldn't get out
all weekend long. it was nice and cozy
down in the hole so i'm not complaining.
i did venture out of my hole a few times,
and on saturday it happened. i ran into
an old lover in the cookie aisle at the
grocery store. we both just smiled a knowing smile
and continued on our way. my observant boyfriend
asked what i was smiling at,
"just someone i thought i recognized."
for the rest of our shopping experience
there he was at every turn with his grrl...
i've always wondered when it would happen,
where it would happen,the day i would run into my tattooed old lover...
the day has come and gone, all is well.

*SIGH*
sexy office boy returns

i had some very colorful dreams about him
last night that all came rushing back as soon
as he poked his head around my cube this morning.........
*SIGH*
very nice.

nothing is coming out the way i want.
i'll be back later.

arAmat

noonish

no sexy office boy again today
:(
oh well i guess i'll just have
pass the time working, god forbid!
actually i've been speeding through
todays boring assignment, i doubt
i'll have enough work to last the day at
this rate.
its been so long since i've felt his lips,
or his quick touches that reach my core...
*SIGH*
i spoke to my mum again last night,
she told me that dad has made a decision.
that he will no longer stop for a drink on the
way home.... he'll just have one when
he gets home.
yeah much better....
now he's home every day
by 6 pm, usually he was getting in around
7-30 pm mum says. so he wasn't working
all that time but drinking........
apparently that pneumonia scare really worried him,
i guess it made him realize that he's not
a young man anymore and should be concerned about
his health.

speaking of health, i saw my doctor this week
and i'm happy to report that i'm all good.
i still have to go back at the end of the month for
my physical plus pap, agh! blood work though is all good,
i noticed that she checked off the HIV test as well. when i
asked her why i was tested for that she replied "why not?" i guess
so. i went for one in university after "the incident"
as well as a battery of other tests.

i find it amazing that i can refer to the "incident"
as such. anything but the truth is good for me.

enough!

araMat

10:20 am

i'm very happy with myself these past
couple of days. first of all wednesday i had
no luck till the last moment in getting someone
to come out with me. their company although fleeting was fun.
my friends left the club just before sexy office boy finished his set.
being on stage just amplifies his sexiness
*SIGH*

so my friends left me and i made new friend, Sly...
and that he was. he was extremely blatant with his motives so needless to say our
night time friendship was short lived.
i agreed with him though that i do have wonderful tits..
after a few more gin & 7's i made my way to a cab and home.

thursday i woke up to the construction pounding outside my bedroom window,
then i fully woke up and realized the pounding was in my head.
i called in sick got back in bed till about noon.
all day thursday our water was off due to the construction but no notice was
given that it would be turned off.
bastards...
phred and i had to make an emergency trip over to
C's house to use the facilities and brush my teeth.
not a good day to be without water....

now i'm back at work and a bit anxious for
sexy office boys arrival, he's been out sick all week.
i want our heated elevator rides back.

aRamat

3:15 pm

my mum just called a little
while ago.
agh!!!!!!!!!!!
dam! i'm so fucking emotional these past few days
i won't cry today! i won't cry today! i will NOT cry today!

fuck

*SIGH*

aramat * wants to scream*

11:16am

agh!
i think that i've returned to my
invisible state,
again for some reason when i pass
people in the hallway they seem to
be looking right through me, never
at me. same within the office.
the only conversation i've had
today has been with the bagel
lady again and that just consisted
of her asking if i wanted butter
or not..
i realize that i can be unapproachable
sometimes but i've been
making an effort to be more
open to those around me.
like yesterday when all i wanted
to do was to tell everyone
to fuck off i listened patiently
to stories about wedding dresses
and the intricate details of a
coworkers evening. blah blah blah....
i feel as if i get nothing back
or any sort of satisfaction from
these conservations.
it doesn't matter anyway, i'm
leaving here soon.
oh the joy of starting all over
some where else, yet another
opportunity to not quite fit in.
i happen to like to my quirk status
i don't feel inhibited by myself in
anyway nor would i want to be any
other way.

my mind is going
in several different directions
today, it doesn't seem to be
able to focus on work.
lately i've been able
conjure up vivid images
in my head. some i wish
wouldn't appear at all.
like last night when mum
called worried about dad
i pictured him slumped over
the steering wheel of his
truck, drunk and past out.
not a very nice way to see
your dad, which i have
unfortunately
and not just in my head...

other things i see,
sexy office boy
*sigh*

last night phred and i
rented No Mans Land,
i pictured myself
smashing the new television
into millions of tiny pieces,
i completely destroyed it
in my head.
i think i truly hate that
television.

why do i feel so
angry right now?
i feel like the
beta female wolf
i saw last night on pbs
her whole life she took
the submissive role until
she was shunned from her pack.
she came back, killed her sister
the alpha female and took
her place in the pack as
the dominant.
i don't feel submissive in anyway
just underestimated,
always underestimated.

aramat

9 am

i'm such an expert now and discreetly writing
my blog entries at work.
i really just want to empty myself into
my blog today and fill myself back up
with the things i need.
i can leave out bitterness,
anger, and frustration and leave it all
right here.

shit! apparently i cannot.
cube mate is here.
at least i am back in my cube
for the remainder of my contract.
i just found out that
its ending on the 22nd of this month!
not dec 6 like they originally told
me.
agh!

arAmat *needs a new job*

8:45 am

so tired again today coupled with a bitch of headache
and an aching uterus...
late last night my mum called worried about
my dad, he hadn't come home and she couldn't reach
him on his cell phone. when she finally did hear from him he was the
GO station trying to catch a train home, he said he truck broke down but mum
said he sounded wasted. when dad talks a lot its a dead give away that he's drunk.
i'm sure mum gave him shit when he came home, for all his asshole moves i still think that my mum is way to hard on him. she's always been disciplinarian in the family and at times she treats dad like another one of her children, at least i think so. enough! i wish this back and forth game would just end.

another day in my cube has begun, i haven't even been here an hour and i'm fighting the urge to flee.

tonight i'm hoping to dance all my troubles away along with a few gin & 7's but no one will come out with me. bastards.
what the hell is wrong with me?!
phred who usually is good to go when i really want him too has said no adamantly, its funny though mon called last night to tell him that the bellville bulls are playing tonight and he's all over that! they know the coach so they want to go say hello. fucking bullshit. he has no $ to go out with me but enough to go to a shitty ohl game.

oh well.

i hope sexy office boy is here today.
*sigh*

aRamat

8:31 am

so far i'm sleep walking through this week
and just this morning i discovered that i'm able
to argue as well in this sleep deprived state.
all night as i sat in the living room with that
flat screen tv staring back at me all i could see was
more of my money leaving my hands before i ever get it.
so far all this tv has provided besides an exceptional picture is stress!
already i have many financial obligations that are slipping, i really didn't
need another one. phred knew my concerns but came to conclusion that
$25 each a week for the next 3 months will pay for the tv in its entirety.
which it will but my job is ending in less than 3 weeks and he's currently
not working. this morning when i asked if he would come out with me wednesday
night he said he shouldn't citing lack of funds and looked at me as if i should have known that. fuck that.
i'm going out alone if i have too, every night of the week he goes out
pretty much to his (our) friends and there they smk tons of weed and order food, but its an issue if i want to go out...
well i'm tired of staying home alone, the only thing to benefit
from it has been my art which has been my saving grace in my
solitary evenings.
i feel as if i'm about to burst,
or that i'm on the
edge of something getting ready
to make my leap forward.

dam. the office is starting to
fill up with its faithful herd.

aramat *uterus is screaming*

8:43 am

its amazing the things i'm doing in my sleep today.
i'm exhausted.
i was up late with some
worries.
money worries.
i had a plan and my plan was working
then phred had go out saturday and buy
a flat screen tv!
its really nice as far as televisions go but
at times i do believe that they are the
portal to all evil.
so now i have to incorporate a new payment into my
already tight budget.
agh!
phred isn't even working and my contract ends
next month.
speaking of contracts N just arrived in the office and told
me the 2 new guys are starting today, i get the pleasure of
helping out with that. there is also a slim possibility that i may escape the
pit and return to my cube!
i'm not getting my hopes up.

since phred got a new toy this weekend
i bought myself a webcam.
i found it strangely addictive once i set it up.
posing in front of it, taking lots of pictures and
making silly little videos.
i felt a little vain staring at myself for so long....

sexy office boy sent me the picture he
took of me last week.
he said i looked hot. *blushes*

*sigh*

K
i better go especially
if these new guys are
coming in today.

araMat *is still sleeping*

10:53 am

no sexy office boy today.
*sigh*


still feeling like i'm not really here
no one has spoken to me today in
the office,except for the
lady downstairs that made my bagel which
wasn't sufficiently toasted...

i've moved on to orbital
the middle of nowhere..
very fitting i think.

aramat
*is invisible*

8:43 am

so many useless words
floating around
behind me
clogging up the air and my
mind.
i don't think anyone can see me
today
people are looking past me
through me
but never directly
at me.

filling my head with music today.
paranoid android
OK computer.
so far its making me feel as if i'm even
further away than i earlier
thought.
felt.

aramat