9:39 am

sometimes its so hard to put aside family drama and live my owe life.
I live a good 5 hours away from my parents but we talk all the time, well I
should say I talk to my mum often. Although I must say, jail gave
my dad lots of time to think on Fathers Day and yesterday we had the
most open and honest discussion about his alcoholism ever.
I'm cautiously optimistic about his recovery.
I'm still worried that when I call home my mum will tell me that he's drunk
or high on something... When we talked yesterday he expressed great sadness
about missing Julia my little sister on Fathers Day. He said that she's his little
baby and he really missed her. I love hearing him express himself.

Anyway,
I'm here in my cube hiding from the office. I'm back to thinking they all
hate me. The woman who I'm replacing just came in the office with her cute
little baby. When I went to look I was overwhelmed with that baby smell.
So beautiful.

Well,
I better get back to work.
araMat*

10:57 am

well I just got out of an very interesting meeting...
I was taken into the ladies locker room because we lack
proper facilities were three of my supervisors have decided
to take a "step back" in my training. Something I thought I had
completed. They want me to bring my completed work to them
once I've finished for their review.. I guess I have made a few errors.
They are taking responsibility saying the training they provided to me
wasn't the best considering I was trained along with another guy cramped
into a small cubicle huddled around one computer.
I agree with them. I did feel slightly taken aback, I wasn't expecting to hear that.
As we walked down the hall I was begins to think I was going to get fired.
They assured me that they think I have a great work ethic
and they appreciate all my hard work, its just a few small details that I'm
missing. My job is very specific, human error causes problems that are
customer effecting and the repercussions are costly.
I guess I should be thankful that they addressed me professionally despite the
location of the meeting, they were very sensitive at how they approached this.
Anyway!
I can't wait to get off my period so Fred can fuck me silly!
araMat

8:48 am

busy week.
I can't wait for it to be over.
frustrated beyond words this morning, I'm finally calming down.
I don't even feel like spewing out the fore mentioned frustration,
I'm just too tired today.
aramaT

8:33 am

I'm falling apart.
yesterday in the afternoon my back started to ache, today I could barely get out of bed.
when I was lying in bed I felt this pain in my groin area, not a muscle pain but a small lump that is sore to the touch. Just sitting here at my desk its uncomfortable.
araMAT *wants to go home*

2:29 pm

well my Dad is now in jail..
as I write this he's being processed for his sentence of 14 days.
I hope he realizes how lucky he is. Drinking and driving is the stupidest thing
you can do. Thank the gods he didn't kill anyone or hurt himself.
hopefully this will encourage his recovery..
the funny thing is all I can think about now is getting wasted..
fuck.
araMat

3:20 pm

all I can think of is going home, drinking as many beers as I can and smoking pot before
Fred gets home. Also a few cigarettes in there as well. After Fred's b-day last weekend
we've had lots of left over booze, since then I've basically been self medicating every day.
I like that numb feeling, except a few hours later I sometimes feel guilty.
aramaT

12:16 pm

my mother just called me to let me know that my Dad will be sentence on Monday for his
many DUI's... It looks like he'll only do time on the weekends.. He is so incredibly lucky and he doesn't even know it, probably because he's drunk all the time.. Which he denies...
What a terrible cycle, I just wish it would stop.
araMAT

diamond beauty

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Originally uploaded by aramat.

my $36,000 friend before the setting!

11:29 am

what the fuck?
apparently all of my co workers are having a bbq today.
no one asked me if I would like to join in. They are literally feet away
as I write settling up money and disturbing tasks... I feel like such a loser.
what did I do to these people? I have been nothing but nice and polite. Last week
when no one wanted to stuff envelopes for our mail out I volunteered to help, today I
did the minutes in our meeting because again no one wanted to do it.. So why am
I the black sheep here? When I was hired here they also hired this guy Nick, I think he's
a prick but none the less I'm very nice to him. They all love him here, he's in the bbq today
yet I get over looked. I'm at the point where I'm so fucking angry that I want to scream
at them all!
Well I'm off at 4pm today so I can forget about these bitches for the weekend.
Fred and I are heading to Toronto to visit his parents who just got back from Italy. They're anxious to see my engagement ring... We got the final appraisal on it yesterday from a second source which just confirmed that I'm wearing $36,000 diamond on my hand!
Insane!! It's so gorgeous! I'm a verylucky lady that's for sure!
Back to work!

Aramat* finger is sparkling*

9:32 am

its getting harder everyday to come to work.
I like this job and I refuse to be bullied out of it.. But it's
very difficult to be in a place where I know people don't like me.
usually, as far as I know anyway I've always been liked by my co workers..
I'm nice and thoughtful and these bitches hate me! Even my boss, I can tell
that she doesn't like me.. She's been sick all week so I haven't had to deal with her..
its the little things, I was talking to my boss Audrey before she went home sick on Monday
and it was all a one sided conversation, she barely acknowledged me but chatted with
everyone else!
I do my job well so they can't get rid of me. There are a few
people here that are nice and we chat about little pointless things like the
weather. .. I miss my boys from Bell! They were great!
anyway,
looks like another slow day...

araMAT

8:46 am

everyone here is sick..
its making me ill just listening to all this coughing and wheezing going on..
just go home!

I don't' like feeling angry like this, such
a waste of energy but I do feel very angry today.
its like people here live in a cave. I've got too many
comments on my pink pants today its starting to aggravate me.
most people in my office wear sweat pants, a bunch of bums!
I just can't go to work looking like I'm still a student, I'm not and I haven't
been for over 10 years now! That's another thing that pisses me off!
my age, I have no problem with being 31 but apparently its a topic of
conversation around here! I guess I look good for my age, at least that's what
they tell me.
I feel so out of place here, but not for one second will I let anyone know that.
its like high school drama some days...

oh my butt smoking boss is leaving for the day.. good stuff..
i think i'll go smoke a butt...

araMat

8:30 am

i hate everyone here today
i want to go home.

araMat*bad mOOd*